less than slash three

this is me ravin​g
this is me ranti​ng
this is my fuck you to the world​.​

this is me cryin​g
this is me cursi​ng
this is my fall from grace​.​

this is my life
this is my love
this is my broke​n heart​.​

What now?

Tears fall
Puddles on linoleum
Lost in a daze
So dead inside
Emotionless
Yet I cry
Hardly knowing why
Part of me wants it to end
So why do I care that the end is near
Why do I care that he’s not here
Puzzled as to why I just want to hug him
Love him
Still be with someone
So full of anger and hate
And mood swings a plenty
I can see through his personality flaws
To a heart that lies within
Does it still beat for me
Will it again
I can only stare
At the tear drops below
And hope

Dreaming

I want it all
Taste the salt
warm summer breeze
Live for free
Soak the sun
never go home
Stay out late
over sleep
Take a shot
keep on chugging
Never give up
never slow down
Keep a modern quill
in my hand
never stopping
Decorate this temple
with what I choose
Laugh in the face
of adversity
Surround myself with
splendid company
Soak up the stars
Sprinkle pixi dust
skate that sun flare
Jump the milky way
Celestial embrace
come on down
Do it again
Taste the salt
on that warm summer breeze

Stealing from a song

This can't wait
gotta say everything
Kept pent up so long
held tight and corked
Don't hesitate darling
I just have to say
That I love your way
cliche as it seems
Those eyes peering into my heart
want to kiss your lips
Just hold me tight
Stay still
Two hearts joined
in an embrace unimaginable
Never want to fade
Never want to leave
Stay through all the trials
holding on to hope
The hope that some day
you'll make my dreams come true
I got to say that I see it
Have to say that
baby I love your way
Stealing lyrics cannot hide
All that's said between our hearts
when we utter not a syllable
Honey I can tell that some day
you could make my dreams come true

Some day?

Craving wishing begging
hasn't got me very far
Sitting silently, waiting patiently
hasn't got me very far
Attainment for others fills my mind with doubt
Maybe for me it's never going to be
Crying pleading screaming
never got me very far
Loving cherishing content
no not so very far
Say these things
appeasement never action
Getting tired of
getting nowhere
Full of jealous tendencies
Need something more
Can't take these idle minds
Want the whole
if all I get is part is it even worth
the waiting, the hoping pain I daily endure
Every time I see or hear the glitter
in another's voice and eye
see their gleaming face
can't stand their happiness broadcast
I've remained for so long
I deserve what they've obtained
Still I will stay
craving wishing begging
sitting silently waiting
crying pleading screaming
loving cherishing
staying content
But you know it never does get me very far

Dream

Far away places
unseen faces
fill my mind
I cannot focus
on the mundane
wishing for extraordinary
Golden rays of sun
on white beached romance
Sparkling clarity of breath
Sailing into the world
known only by lovers
of dramatic comedies
Speaking without uttering a word
Mind meld of the purist kind
Speak soft and gentle now
as I awake
from an unattainable dream.

Shadow

Do not stand in my shadow
Its depth may encompass
all you thought was true
and pure in life
Taking you to a land
you only see in nightmares
dream scenes or
fantasies
Taking you into
scapes only seen in my mind
Eyes closed visions arise
sweeping you away
bringing you close
close to me
No, do not stand in my shadow
the intimacy is far
too deep for my liking

Punctuation Purgatory.

Is that a period?

No…semicolon

Wait

No

I….

Oh No!

It’s punctuation purgatory

Where good minds go to die

When ellipses are five pages long

Apostrophes are chasing the

O’Banion O’Riely O’Connell

Out of their minds

To jump

Off that bridge

And fall

Down

In to

Oh No!

It’s punctuation purgatory

Chased by English Major Llamas

Running through run ons

Down the hyphenated lanes

To a place you’ve never been

However, …wait…

Can you start a sentence

Like that?

Here it comes again…

Punctuation

Purgatory

You’ll never get out

Punctuation purgatory

It’s already too late

Punctuation purgatory

Oh Llama!

Punctuation

Purgatory

lead me not

Lead me not into temptation

Won't you please deliver me

My heart is a fragile mutation

Since the beginning of creation

There's existed what cannot be

Lead me not into temptation

It would do to mention

A blink times three

My heart is a fragile mutation

Lock these things away

To some secret faction

If I cross the line

I'll have to throw away the key

Lead me not into temptation

I'd rather face life long tormention

The feel like this when he's looking at me

My heart is a fragile mutation

Fuck it all in complete succession

I can't have both

Plain and true

Lead me not into temptation

My heart is a fragile mutation

self image

As I glance into the mirror

I change my stance on this

World

I change my thoughts on this

Place

I scrutinize the imperfections on my

Face

The tears well inside my eyes

My fears start to consume my

Thoughts

Why am I here and what am I

Doing

Pull at my hair notice it

Frizzing

These pants are fitting just a little too tight

And I want to be sitting here in the

Dark

To blank out this image of

Myself

Put my insecurities up on a

Shelf

I want what the everyone does

The taunting to stop, not your taunting

Mine

The voices in my mind telling my

Bad

You're no good, give up you'll always be

Sad

This world will never love you

Those people will always shove you

Around

No love of yours will ever be

True

For how could anyone ever want you

Rebuttal

Diss on me

Piss on me

I'm done

Through

Fuck you

And this reality

Subliminally

You hate it

Me

Fine

But here's the thing

I like it

Love it

Me

So there

Back off

Buddy

Step off

Friend

Get lost

Pal

Die

Amigo

Take a nap

That never ends

My world

My thoughts

Not yours

So my rhymery

Doesn't fit your scheme

So my syllables

Fuck with your dream

So what

Not like I really care

Did you expect

Me to cry

To die

To admit defeat

That you're better than me

Not a chance

Censorship

Publishment

Don't give a shit

So hate me

Leave me

You know you

Love me

I see it in your

Eyes feel it in your

Hands know it in your

Smile

You say

No good

Disgracegul

So so

But I know

You can't

Discriminate

Violate

Comlicate

My ways

My life

Bow

Before me

Champion

Of what

Of you

Of course

As if you did not

Know it

Feel it

In your bones

Your heart

From the start

I beat you

Ev'ry way

Ev-er-ry day

Steal my thoughts

Rape my mind

Thieve my inspiration

And still

Still will I win

Still your work

Belongs in

A garbage tin

A dump

Landfill

Raging fire

Goodbye

Competitor

Farewell

Adversary

Adieu

Antagonist

Of my dreams

Why can't you

Just admit

The cold

Harsh wonderful

Defeat

Perspective changeup

Chipped polish
Shattered glass
Sickly sweet flavors
Life is
What it is
What it's not
Hello beautiful
Creature of my
Flesh born desire
Wandering mind
Solid rock
Crumbles to sand
Never again
Left without a word
Vanished with just
A hollow ghostly trail
To lead me back
To nowhere
Where I'm headed
Destined
If I could change this place
My hopes
My face
And all these things
I wish I was
But know I'll never be.

It's only when you've lost everything

Inspiration drained
Tainted by caffeine
By THC
And my own mind
Muddled with ash
Lye kissing sweetly
Searing useless flesh
Brings me to reality
Life is a muse
A gleeful child
But not as good
As a punch to the jaw
As hard packing sounds
Blood down the drain
Of my soul
Fuck capitalism
Beaurocratic fantasies
Follow the herd
Do what you're told
Or fight back
And know this simple fact
It's only when you've lost everything
That you're free to do anything

Three years

three years
gone in the wind
passed by violently
passionately

lovely


trivialaties
don't matter
not in the scheme
of her mind


absolutely

together they'll stand
despite prejudices and
misconceptions of others
he'll remain for her

confident


and she is his
this modern day
tale is not of faeries
or anything so

perfect


yet still it has
a measure of such
this happiness
they share

forever
together

happiness

tucking the tendril of hair
behind her ear
she smiles
eyes glistening
with happiness
at the one she loves

and now she thinks
of all the things
she could have thrown away
and the darkning loom
of depression comes creeping back
like a lover, caressing her heart
with icicle fingers

but she shakes it off
because the mistake was never made
not really, at least, not physically
maybe in her mind she crossed the line
from time to time
but never permenantly
never completely

and now she has
well almost has
everything she's always wanted
the completion she'd craved
since her earliest days

soon it will come
she's hoping
that it'll be here within the month
and then the planning can commence
even though it's layed out perfectly
in her mind
and needs nothing more than
a budget of sorts

and that shiny thing
is so trivial sometimes
and needs not arrive
until everything is done
and said and signed

he wants it though
to give that to her
the way that society can mark them
and the connection they have
and she loves him for this
for all that he is
and she embraces him entirely
his amazing qualities
and faults abound

and he returns the favor
i'm sure

and in this notion of life
there stands few opposition
none which cannot be easily
over taken

feelings between are to strong
and too deep
longlasting and ever enduring

and in this notion of life
the two stand
with entertwined hearts
and interlocked hands

Trust me

I want to know
what He tells you
how He makes you
be the person that you are

I'd like to see
the side you keep hidden
the darkness
you tend to crave

I want to taste
the Addiction
the caffiene
the sweetly harsh thc

I'd like to feel
these things you claim are missing
what you dream
how you form these thoughts



I want to fully experience
what it's like to be
in this world
you say exists

don't be afraid
to show me
don't be petrified
on my behalf

I'm curious
and you've made me
adore you even more
than I have before

So if you have concern
over what I'll see
trust me babe
I can take it

Gone

Smell of cigarettes

Of pure tobacco pipe

Of cologne and finery

Hear the music wafting

In the air so sweet

As he sings

Devil may care

Saying goodbye

To someone who means

Means something that I cannot

Label tag and define

The epitome of a hopeless romantic

An artistic soul

A friend

And yet as I pull away

I see nothing

not the road

The lines or lights

Just a blur

As tears fall and sobs commence

Perhaps he is more than that

A symbol for what I wish I was

Or wish I had

I wipe the tears

The mascara lines

And make a face

Of happiness

For the one which I love

Who is unsure of this

Who does not believe

in the unconditional

he can’t understand

that I can love someone else

if only as a friend

I suppose I’ll fake it

For the sake of security

And commitment

Hopeless romanticism

Bound within and kept quiet

Never let it out

Until I explode

Guess we’ll see what happens

Harsh realization pt. 2

Back when I thought I rocked
The world seemed so much brighter
Then I realized I have got to be
Simply the worst writer ever
And I think it makes it worse
Because I thought I was amazing
I thought to myself
This laureate isn't fucking anything
That's why he's famous
And I'm fucking nothing
All the shit that I thought had meaning
Is empty and childish and vague
I thought I could hold my own
With the Vikings, and Irish, and Rock stars
What was I thinking?

Harsh realization

Sitting here now

I’m so different

From the lies the pain

The girlish fantasies

I’ve gone without

I’ve held my own

Against the cold

The world at large

And now I know

That none of this shit

Is any good

And none of this shit

Even matters

I thought I was something

I’m horribly not

Not anything to be relished

Shit smeared walls

Cracked asphalt

A mirror thrown and fragmented

For no fucking purpose

They dissed on me for a reason

They told me the truth

And I was too naïve to see

It was just so simple

To say that the world was wrong

And I was right

Well now I know

The world is right

I am horrible

And my rhymery is out of tune

And my themes are skewed and broken

And my fucking pen and paper

Could be tossed without remorse

I’m nothing that I thought I was

Instead I’m fucking horrible

Let the game begin

Sun baked or freeze dried
Three chances in a whirlwind
Diamond cutouts of a truth
Hidden in shade and uniformity

Jarred and jumbled bass, I understand
High and low intensities from in front
Flailing limbs I'll never get
somehow they all do

White lines solidifying dirty green
memories Childhood and stand tall
Individual isolation in a crowd
Pig parts and shoes in bread
Fizz topped with a cap

Falling with control, such clumsy grace
Love, hate, pride, certain failure
Let the game begin

Stand

Dreaming of this life

I think it’s different

There should be a guitar

Or a avalanche of ideas

Some intellectual merit

Giving meaning to existence

At least meaning to ours

By and by we sit and think

Eternally falling and reborn

There instead lies electric misfortune

An intellect never expressed

Life unfulfilled and greased

Got to have more than that

After so long of simply

Being can’t there be a deepness

Ethereal, poetic or otherwise

Something to get me through

Turmoil in my mind

Uneasy whirlwind heartbeats

Dreaming of another life

Another place

The other road in the wood

Not the one I took

I am content where I stand

Yet long to be somewhere far

And there’s no one to catch me

If I choose to fall

Ground into dust

And there’s no one to support me

But myself and my ambitions

Empty notions of an empty mind

I keep this path I’m on

Close to the edge of happiness

Love, peace, and understanding

Insecurities are comforted

Nonsense put aside

True there isn’t deepness of my kin

But there’s so much more

Today at least, this is where I stand

Night and Day

Ebony blanket wrapping me so tight
feels velvety soft on scented skin
Drifting to sleep and waking
on the milky way, creamy embrace
Celestial goddess with glittered hair
Worshiped by few feared by many
Feel not lost in her bosom
Tremble not with her touch
for she is only as big
as you let her be, or as small

One needs only to cast away the fleece
and awake anew
to a turquoise smile
and tanned soles
A gentle smile in the breeze
Life like figures in a marble of green
and white and blue tossed
by ethereal winds and
ultimately within my palm

Defense Mechanisms

Where were these things

When I was younger

These defense mechanisms

Seem to ripen with age

What used to be

Such empty clutter

Now there are props

To a rather grandiose stage

Velvet curtains hid my

True intentions skewed

The fancy lighting

Seems to brighten beige

Which is my creativity

Lost to open sea

Raped of all its uses

Now I’m empty

Devoid of thought

Wrapped in ancient gothic cloth

So no one can ever see

How useless I’ve become

How scared and cast aside

My naivety has taken its toll

And I’m naked underneath it all

A scared little girl

Thrown out in the world

But given no means to survive

No wings do I have

To fly from this nest

So I must crawl instead

Thank god for illusions

I’ve cast mine well

Smoke and mirrors and such

Thick trimmings

And lighting and fancy technology

It’s new to me

Where were these things

When I was younger

These falsities

Seem to ripen with age

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken

Shaking under stress

Seems my trembling mind’s asleep

Waiting in anticipation

Of the big event

Seems it’ll never come

I am you

More importantly

You are me

This gun’s to both our heads

Never mind whose hand it’s in

The end result’s the same

Brain matter on a sea of glass

You’re finally out of my head

God forbid you ever come back

Even through blood

There’s clarity

My mind feels more solid than before

And I can see through the cataracts

To a place where I…

Explosions ravage the night

My alter-ego’s farewell show

And as I hold this lovely devil’s hand

I fall

Deeper and faster

Into the black abyss

That used to be my soul

Circling

I want forever

Does it have to start now?

I want forgiveness

I want freedom

I want to be the one

For everyone

I want to climb a mountain

And fall into the clouds

Ride them in ecstasy

And never look down

I want to share my heart

And mind

Without consequence

Dive into whatever this is

And never look back

If only it were possible

To have everything you wanted

The best of both words

My seperality colliding in peace

The one I love

The one I…

No words to be spoken

Nothing to be said

These emotions too blended

In my head, for a meaning to arise

For a word to fit

I think he feels the same

The meanings keep repeating

The words are never still

And yet there’s no conclusion

And I doubt there ever will

We’ll keep this dance going

The music and the beat

Wrapped in all the things we can’t be

Hidden in the words that’ll never be uttered

Comforted by the fact

That there are no facts

No reasoning, no rhythm of life

Just the two of us, or three

If you want to be honest

If it were only two we’d know by now

The ending to this charade

But there’s no conclusion

And I doubt there ever will

Be

Believe in me

Say you believe
You believe in me
Can't you say you
Say you believe

Fuck society
And these unbelievers
I'm pissed to the point of givin up
Its just repeating time now

He took the only thing I loved
when he left this place
For a death sure to come
All for a simple girl
Who couldn't make him fly
Couldn't make him fly

He never knew
Never knew the way I felt
And its too late now
All for a simple girl
Who never
Could never make him fly

Say you believe
You believe in me
Can't you say you
Say you believe

Fuck society
And these unbelievers
I'm pissed to the point of givin up
It's just repeating time now

Sprinkle sprinkle pixie dust now
Take my love
And fly into the night
Find the place you've been wishin for

Don't you know Pan
She can never make you fly
And you'll get sick and die
All for a simple girl
Who can never make you fly

You could have stayed
And loved and laughed
And shared the neverland with me
Instead you give at all away
Give it all away for a simple girl
Who can never make you fly

Say you believe
You believe in me
Can't you say you
Say you believe

Fuck society
And these unbelievers
I'm pissed to the point of givin up
It's just repeating time now

Say you believe
You believe in me
Can't you say you
Say you believe

Say you believe
You believe in me
Can't you say you
Say you believe

Side cast illusion

Side cast illusion

I almost gave up everything

Not that it would have mattered

You’re a legend, untouchable

The kind of person everyone loves

Or loves to hate

Are you even real?

Did the time I remember even exist?

Was there ever any chance

Where would I be now?

Would I even be?

So many questions never to be answered

Smoke rings and gasoline

I’ll remember you forever

Do you even remember my name?

Or face

Or the way I made you feel

Did I even make you feel at all?

I doubt it

Wrapped in rhythm and rhyme

You’re bullet proof

A rock star

Eternal and faulted

Aren’t we all?

Another stepping stone

Another shadowy enigma clouded by mystery

Some sort of midnight matinee

Never let anyone in

Never let them see

Hide the tears you once shed

You’re stronger now

Tell myself again and over

First thoughts with actual meaning

Since ones so full of anger

Of rage and of raw unfiltered passion

So full of me

Where is that person now?

Trapped with your memories

Caged in that moment

Locked away where she can’t be touched

Or resurrected because I know

That I want her back

If only just a little

In another life

In another life I’d be there

Kissing the acrid thc

My frozen feet held tight

Caution to the wind

With a guitar in hand

In another life I’d be there

Free to be me

Wild and expressive

Maybe I’d write more than just trash

In another life

I wouldn’t think about consequence

I’d drink and fuck til the sun came up

And then I’d do it again

In this other life

I’d have a lover who could be

Just that

And break these binding chains

Which hold me back

In another life

I’d care what no one thought

Not even my own conscience

I’d be impulsive

But I’d be me

This other life

It’d be the best thing that I ever did

This other is just an illusion

A dream for me

I’ll always know

It could have been reality

Leaving

His eyes burn

Into my soul

Searching and finding

Things I never knew where there

As he serenades

To a lover lost

A part within

Wants a serenade for me

Girlish fantasies

Never realized

And even if he never leaves

These things cannot be

Too many complications

Too much on the line

I feel something deeper

Stirring within

Than I would for a friend
Less than a lover

None of this shit

Even matters

My heart's already crushed

He's made up his mind

As he disappears into the night

This is how it should be

Caresses
Moments
Lost in time
Space
And
Energy
Falling
Into
Depths unseen
Loving
Dying
All there is
Your heart
Mine
Perfect Rhythm
Insync motions
More than robots
Less than angels
Thoughts unspoken
Buried underneath
My crushing pride
And you can't see
Say you can't feel
What you should
Holding you soft
Caresses fall
On velvet eyes
Wavering and solid
Incompletely complete
And I know
And you know
This is how the world should be