I almost gave up everything
Not that it would have mattered
You’re a legend, untouchable
The kind of person everyone loves
Or loves to hate
Are you even real?
Did the time I remember even exist?
Was there ever any chance
Where would I be now?
Would I even be?
So many questions never to be answered
Smoke rings and gasoline
I’ll remember you forever
Do you even remember my name?
Or face
Or the way I made you feel
Did I even make you feel at all?
I doubt it
Wrapped in rhythm and rhyme
You’re bullet proof
A rock star
Eternal and faulted
Aren’t we all?
Another stepping stone
Another shadowy enigma clouded by mystery
Some sort of midnight matinee
Never let anyone in
Never let them see
Hide the tears you once shed
You’re stronger now
Tell myself again and over
First thoughts with actual meaning
Since ones so full of anger
Of rage and of raw unfiltered passion
So full of me
Where is that person now?
Trapped with your memories
Caged in that moment
Locked away where she can’t be touched
Or resurrected because I know
That I want her back
If only just a little
2 comments:
Side cast illusion*
I almost gave up everything
Not that it would have mattered
You're a legend, untouchable*
The kind of person everyone loves*
Or loves to hate*
Are you even real
Did the time I remember even exist
Was there ever any chance
Where would I be now
Would I even be
So many questions never to be answered
Smoke rings and gasoline*
I'll remember you forever
Do you even remember my name
Or face
Or the way I made you feel
Did I even make you feel at all
I doubt it
Wrapped in rhythm and rhyme you're bullet proof*
A rock star
Eternal and faulted*
Aren't we all
Another brick in the wall*
Another shadowy enigma clouded by mystery*
Some sort of midnight matinee
Never let anyone in
Never let them see
Hide the tears you once shed
You're stronger now
Tell myself again and over
First thoughts with actual meaning
Since ones so full of anger
Of rage and of raw unfiltered passion
So full of me
Where is that person now
Trapped with your memories
Caged in that moment*
Locked away where she can't be touched
Or resurrected because I know
That I want her back
If only just a little
I notice that there are natural line breaks apart from the ones you originally made, I went ahead and added them for your comparison. The line breaks mainly exist to separate clumps of questions from clumps of narration and statement. One thing that really stood out was a lack of chronology (not that that’s bad) Its until the last stanza in which you break that lack of timeline, and start addressing a female character, which to an anonymous reader make the poem sound as if it’s about a girl. I did not know it was about me, I would assume that this poem is actually about a girl. What Makes this poem a bit unusual is that it appears to be told in a present tense speaking about past events, however you keep addressing questions in a 3rd person manner, as if to portray that you’re speaking to someone, which kinda conflict with the past tense narration…does that make sense ??? Haha, I really don’t know. Overall it is good, there are really *good paring of words.
-Gabe-
blend the types together - question with comments and personalness at the end.
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