Shadow

Do not stand in my shadow
Its depth may encompass
all you thought was true
and pure in life
Taking you to a land
you only see in nightmares
dream scenes or
fantasies
Taking you into
scapes only seen in my mind
Eyes closed visions arise
sweeping you away
bringing you close
close to me
No, do not stand in my shadow
the intimacy is far
too deep for my liking

self image

As I glance into the mirror

I change my stance on this

World

I change my thoughts on this

Place

I scrutinize the imperfections on my

Face

The tears well inside my eyes

My fears start to consume my

Thoughts

Why am I here and what am I

Doing

Pull at my hair notice it

Frizzing

These pants are fitting just a little too tight

And I want to be sitting here in the

Dark

To blank out this image of

Myself

Put my insecurities up on a

Shelf

I want what the everyone does

The taunting to stop, not your taunting

Mine

The voices in my mind telling my

Bad

You're no good, give up you'll always be

Sad

This world will never love you

Those people will always shove you

Around

No love of yours will ever be

True

For how could anyone ever want you

Harsh realization pt. 2

Back when I thought I rocked
The world seemed so much brighter
Then I realized I have got to be
Simply the worst writer ever
And I think it makes it worse
Because I thought I was amazing
I thought to myself
This laureate isn't fucking anything
That's why he's famous
And I'm fucking nothing
All the shit that I thought had meaning
Is empty and childish and vague
I thought I could hold my own
With the Vikings, and Irish, and Rock stars
What was I thinking?

Harsh realization

Sitting here now

I’m so different

From the lies the pain

The girlish fantasies

I’ve gone without

I’ve held my own

Against the cold

The world at large

And now I know

That none of this shit

Is any good

And none of this shit

Even matters

I thought I was something

I’m horribly not

Not anything to be relished

Shit smeared walls

Cracked asphalt

A mirror thrown and fragmented

For no fucking purpose

They dissed on me for a reason

They told me the truth

And I was too naïve to see

It was just so simple

To say that the world was wrong

And I was right

Well now I know

The world is right

I am horrible

And my rhymery is out of tune

And my themes are skewed and broken

And my fucking pen and paper

Could be tossed without remorse

I’m nothing that I thought I was

Instead I’m fucking horrible

Stand

Dreaming of this life

I think it’s different

There should be a guitar

Or a avalanche of ideas

Some intellectual merit

Giving meaning to existence

At least meaning to ours

By and by we sit and think

Eternally falling and reborn

There instead lies electric misfortune

An intellect never expressed

Life unfulfilled and greased

Got to have more than that

After so long of simply

Being can’t there be a deepness

Ethereal, poetic or otherwise

Something to get me through

Turmoil in my mind

Uneasy whirlwind heartbeats

Dreaming of another life

Another place

The other road in the wood

Not the one I took

I am content where I stand

Yet long to be somewhere far

And there’s no one to catch me

If I choose to fall

Ground into dust

And there’s no one to support me

But myself and my ambitions

Empty notions of an empty mind

I keep this path I’m on

Close to the edge of happiness

Love, peace, and understanding

Insecurities are comforted

Nonsense put aside

True there isn’t deepness of my kin

But there’s so much more

Today at least, this is where I stand

Defense Mechanisms

Where were these things

When I was younger

These defense mechanisms

Seem to ripen with age

What used to be

Such empty clutter

Now there are props

To a rather grandiose stage

Velvet curtains hid my

True intentions skewed

The fancy lighting

Seems to brighten beige

Which is my creativity

Lost to open sea

Raped of all its uses

Now I’m empty

Devoid of thought

Wrapped in ancient gothic cloth

So no one can ever see

How useless I’ve become

How scared and cast aside

My naivety has taken its toll

And I’m naked underneath it all

A scared little girl

Thrown out in the world

But given no means to survive

No wings do I have

To fly from this nest

So I must crawl instead

Thank god for illusions

I’ve cast mine well

Smoke and mirrors and such

Thick trimmings

And lighting and fancy technology

It’s new to me

Where were these things

When I was younger

These falsities

Seem to ripen with age

Circling

I want forever

Does it have to start now?

I want forgiveness

I want freedom

I want to be the one

For everyone

I want to climb a mountain

And fall into the clouds

Ride them in ecstasy

And never look down

I want to share my heart

And mind

Without consequence

Dive into whatever this is

And never look back

If only it were possible

To have everything you wanted

The best of both words

My seperality colliding in peace

The one I love

The one I…

No words to be spoken

Nothing to be said

These emotions too blended

In my head, for a meaning to arise

For a word to fit

I think he feels the same

The meanings keep repeating

The words are never still

And yet there’s no conclusion

And I doubt there ever will

We’ll keep this dance going

The music and the beat

Wrapped in all the things we can’t be

Hidden in the words that’ll never be uttered

Comforted by the fact

That there are no facts

No reasoning, no rhythm of life

Just the two of us, or three

If you want to be honest

If it were only two we’d know by now

The ending to this charade

But there’s no conclusion

And I doubt there ever will

Be