6.06.2011

Summer Rain

Hail beats my window-pane
Water pours from the sky
Spring storm, summer rain
Sunshine fills my tender vein
Surrounds me, leaves me dry
Hail beats my window-pane
Flowers fall from boughs slain
Weeping willows begin to cry
Spring storm, summer rain
Kisses caught in a deserted lane
Giving me faith if only I try
Hail beats my window-pane
Late spring temptress mirrors my pain
Keep that faith or break down and cry
Spring storm, summer rain
Forgetting is my aim
Forgiveness I'll never say
Hail beats my window-pane
Spring storm, summer rain

5.19.2011

You have to learn in order to grow

You must reap what you sow
Things will never be the same
You have to learn in order to grow
Each day feels like a show
I keep remembering your name
You must reap what you sow
I love you as you'll never know
Yet he continues this game
You have to learn in order to grow
My ever remaining foe
Refusing to hang his head in shame
You must reap what you sow
Still, I've never felt this low
this cross, this lame
You have to learn in order to grow
It's all wreckage, our lives in tow
Things go on as much the same
You must reap what you sow
You have to learn in order to grow

4.30.2011

my father
used to tell
this story
when he was
younger
he punched
my grandmother
and the judge
told him
his only crime
was using a closed
fist

so excuse me
if i'm angry
at the world
and excuse me
if i have all
this
pent up
aggression
and it might
be a weakness
to blame it
on the pretense
but

when it's all
you've ever known
and it's how
you learned
to grow
can you expect
me to be
anything but
angery
when this
world's never
been
my stage
and i'm so
pent up
with rage
and you make
the mistake
of making it
with me
can you blame
the consequence
on anyone
but yourself
when i put
you
on a shelf
and i put
me
in the front
of every-one
else
but you see
it's like this
it's dirty
and insane
and mundane
and it's nothin
that you've
ever
seen before
and yet
this refrain
rolls around
in your brain
it's exactly
the same
as it was yesterday
and repeat
and deny
you fall down
and you cry
that the world
can't see you
or all you hope to do
build em up
build em high
block out
the sun
refute the sky
circle round
for the day
you make the
same mistake

inevitability
you say
i have a lack of
patience
that i anger
quickly
that i falter easily
that i wear
my emotions
on my sleeve
that i alienate
those around me
and myself
willingly
that the perceived perception of my reality
isn't the reality your perception's perceiving

like it's a bad thing.

you say
i'm defensive and
stubborn and
pessimistic and
elitist and
awkward like
it's a bad thing

like you've never
been beaten
been broken
been cheated
been mistreated
been misheard
been misunderstood
been neglected
been dejected

like you've never
been real
been alive
been lying
on the floor
dying and
had not a single soul
shed a tear

like you expect me
to take your naysaying nonsense
with the proverbial grain of salt
take a spoonful of sugar
with your medicinal doctrine
of benevolence and apathy
youre preaching
but i'm sorry
i have a god
and he most certainly
is not
you

i won't
pray
at the shrine
of your corporate idols
and your
status quo
won't infiltrate the
fortress of my mind

instead of trying to
fix me
why don't you get to
know me
understand
that red hair might mean i'm fiesty
but this is not my natural hair color
and i might cross my arms
because it makes me feel safe
and held like i never was
and i might be defensive
because it's the only way to survive
when you're being thrown down a flight of stairs
and i might not have patience
because waiting around
will only get you killed
and i might be defiant
but have you ever looked around
at a crumbling world
and held the answer on the tip of your tongue
but you couldn't speak
because you have breasts

yeah

i didn't think so

judge not
lest ye
be judged
yet there you are
writing numbers down
on paper
that define my whole existance
as you know it
standardized testing
made for mice in a maze
applied to my very human form
and you don't seem
to look
at the girl
behind these glasses


and you don't
seem
to care
that i
i
i am not a number


Listening to slam
artists
for two hours
and...
I feel even less
Inspired
Than I did
Yesterday
or was it
the day before?

turning
stumbling
and I can't help
wondering why
I can't create
some emulator
to encompass my
shortcomings
and deliver them
to you
free form

and i can't help wondering
why
i can't
spill the words together
in the heather
landscape of my mind
and have you
snap
for me

for me
the girl that no one
notices
the girl that
no one
sees

the girl that's
writing
working
praying
remaining
barely a figment
of your half baked
imagination

when reminiscing
i though i had
so much
talent
so much
promise
and i held on to this notion
that I could be
bigger
better
than my surroundings
bigger
better
than myself
than those
around me
and i have this pent up aggression
this lack of
patience
and i type
fast and i talk
fast and i
anger quickly
and i won't wait
for you to
make up your mind

for you to
discard me
like you did
yesterday
or, was it
the day before?

4.28.2011

The ones that scream the loudest
maybe...
they're trying to convince themselves.

and the repetition of I do in fact enjoy this
comes out
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

and the repetition of I own my own life comes out
Yes!
Right there!

and trying to blot out the reality around you
your eyes roll back and you just scream.

lost in the moment
you forget about your insecurities
your life is failing
falling apart

keep at it
keep going
no one will notice
they'd have to care

so you turn up
the volume
turn it up
tune him out

you're not hungry
sick
tired
just horny
that's it
right there
yeah yeah yeah

and everything becomes real
you solidify it in your mind
it becomes
the truth

you've faked it
so many times
you've even fooled yourself

12.11.2010

Open your Eyes

Showed you the truth
but you just shut your eyes
I guess you'll never see
through his well made disguise

I've been the one by your side
through thick and through thin
yet you turned your back on me
and let the devil waltz in

So you deceived me
you left me here alone
with a broken promise, a broken heart
i must walk through this world on my own

will you ever see
the errors that you've made
will you ever know
the good that would follow if you'd stayed

Will i ever forgive you
leaving me shattered on the floor
will i ever forget
not a chance anymore

I'll never be there again
to hold your hand
to wipe the tears from your eyes
you've made your final stand

you turned from light to dark
you changed from all to nothing
you took my love, my good advice
and through it all away for nothing

as the days tick by, you'll find
a new world to fit into
false friends, false life
something to look forward to

there's no turning back
no unwriting wrongs
apologies can not fix
four months of scars and sobs

you ask me to believe
in this false idol you've found
ask me to join you
without a protesting sound

to put aside the fact
he is evil in and out
to join with you against the tide
to simply shut my mouth

I will keep on fighting
though I am fighting for you
I will keep on trying
praying God will see it through

but even if you change
and see the monster inside
I don't know if it fixes anything
you've wasted so much time

but fight is all i can do
seek to show truth and justice
for though you've turned your back on me
I simply can't return the favor